yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
