I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize