This house was built for laser tag.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
