I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
