My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
