I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
