I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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