i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
