Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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