This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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