im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
