It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
