It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
