She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
