john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
