So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
