somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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