I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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