It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
