i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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