What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
