With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
