Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
