When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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