just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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