For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
