No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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