she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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