Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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