3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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