haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
