Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
40s are totally the cure
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
