Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
