I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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