They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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