They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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