Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
