I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
