why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
