We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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