i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
