Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
