Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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