no, he came in my armpit
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
