I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
