they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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