There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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