There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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