so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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