the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
