I bet he comes in French.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
