And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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