My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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