It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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