We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize