I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
