If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
