I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
