Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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