Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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