1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
