I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
