Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
