Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
