3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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