margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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