also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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