remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
