He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
