Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
