My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
