Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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