Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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