New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
