at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
should my penis look like a turkey
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
