why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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