I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
