i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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