I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
