just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
