Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
