i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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