Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
