puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
