So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
