The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
