Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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