i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
