a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize