why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
