and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
