He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to sanitize my soul.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
