this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
