pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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