I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize