Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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