I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
