hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize