...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
