the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
