Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Rumble strips road head = magical
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
