The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
