so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You are the jesus of drinking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
