I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
