and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
