GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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