i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
