He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
