a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize