honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize