I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
