my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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