Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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