I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
