that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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