omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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