Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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