we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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