please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
