I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she looked like the before picture.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
